question sesh #2

Ok, a few weeks back I got the ball rolling with question sesh #1 and I’m ready to tackle one of the harder questions I got this ’round.

So here we go:

 Don’t know if you can answer this question honestly without people thinking you’re talking about specific people (don’t know if you care) but I actually am interested in this debate/topic. How do you honestly feel about average size siblings and friends attending the LP conventions? How do you think most LP feel about it?

Yikes.  Let’s clarify one thing first–”without talking about specific people” here is quite tricky because I know exactly what the person who asked me this question is asking about (they included their opinion after the question in their email to me).  Okay–before we boil this down to a few points–let’s just say, I’m only one person among many and this is just my opinion.  And while I might not agree with ALL of the decisions someone else makes, I am able to separate that from the overall character of the person and let’s aim to all do that together, ok doke? :)

My gut reaction is wondering why random AP friends go to LPA conferences…

• Sometimes I kind of worry about voyeurism–are they just going to point and gawk.  I am being totally honest here–this is my OWN insecurity–99.9% of the AP people I’ve met at the conferences are totally not there for that and are going to try and understand what it’s like to be small.
• They kind of take over the dance floor at times.  And some of the guys pay more attention to them…again, is that just my jealousy talking?  Did I say that outloud?  But no seriously, I think there are a handful of LP guys who make a point of trying to get with tall girls at LPA conferences–it’s kind of an ego thing?  What do I know?
• Sometimes I just want it to be about the LP buds that I rarely get to see and the AP’s that go with LP friends make the group “all about them.”  Sometimes.
• I get how AP siblings would invite a friend to hang out with while their LP sibling is busy being social.  But I would say that most AP siblings would not need to do that because they have a huge community of other AP siblings that they have probably known their whole life–thus there being plenty of people for them to hang out with.

But!  There are a lot of reasons AP’s would go to LPA conferences and I’ve even wanted to invite some AP friends myself.

• Sometimes I just want my AP friends to go with me so they can understand more what it’s like to be me and understand the dynamics of an LPA convention.  I sometimes feel like I have to try so hard to fit in and make people not think I’m different that I am less vulnerable about the struggle.  So considering inviting them to a conference is one way I am letting them into my world.  But then I think about my reasons not to invite them and I am often torn.
• I have an average sized brother who went with our family to the conventions growing up.  There are a lot of average sized siblings that go and a lot of activities for them to do together.  It is like a support group for them as well.  My brother was the only AP person in our family and I imagine felt like an outsider sometimes.  So when he was a kid he had a lot of other AP sibling friends and they would have mixers and all sorts of fun things.  Now that he is almost 19, he doesn’t really go anymore.  Most of it probably has to do with the cost–why would he use his limited money for that?  I guess the need for support isn’t really predominant for him anymore–when we were kids my parents paid for him to go.  I think he’s kind of outgrown that now.   I do know he keeps in touch with other AP siblings.  There are always tons of AP family members and doctors that go to the conventions–so if my friends ever did go they would not feel out of place probably.  Did you know that 90% of LP’s are born to average sized parents? 

I guess this issue is kind of complex and really depends on the person and their own blend of LP/AP family members. 

For the most part, I think if AP friends go the main thing is to be respectful of the fact that this is the one time a lot of people who are there feel “normal”.  Realizing that is really important, in my opinion.  In some ways, my AP friends that I see day in and day out get me in ways my LP friends do not, who mostly only see me once a year.  But my LP friends and I share a bond of really understanding what the other person is going through that even my best AP friends have no idea about.  I only have a couple of best LP friends that I really know well and talk to on an almost daily basis–Zach and on a monthly basis–Josh (and his AP boyfriend David) :).  My other LP friend that I’ve gone shopping with a few times is Margaret who lives in my region so I get to see her 2-3 times a year.  But I have a lot of friends that I hang out with at the conventions and we pick up right where we left off at the convention before. 

question sesh #1

I recently posted asking if anyone had any questions which might spur further blogs.  Jenny sent me a long list of options (thanks!) so I will try to tackle a few week.  If anyone else has questions, send them to me and I’ll try to answer as many as I can…  :)  Feel free to comment away, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Do you consider “midget” to be the same as the N word and F*got?  How do you feel about all of those words being used casually. Do you think it’s OK if it’s used in a joking manner with friends? If 5 average sized teenage friends tell “midget” jokes together at their house, do you think that’s OK?

Honestly, it totally depends on the tone.  I don’t get angry immediately if someone with good-intentions is describing me as one–especially if they are older or they just don’t know.  But that word does carry with it a lot of sting so it’s best not to use it.  Roger Ebert tackles the topic gracefully and I really commend his thorough intent to understand it.  That word has a loaded and hurtful history.  Especially when used maliciously, the word does carry a lot of pain as it was used when I was teased as a little girl.  I will admit I have used it jokingly myself with another little person–my friends and I sometimes lovingly call each other “midge” or something like that before–and other LP’s reciprocate.  Still, I believe it’s one of those words you have to experience the pain of firsthand in order to be given the power to use it.  That is why I do not use nor find it acceptable to use racial or homophobic slurs.  No matter how many friends I have in those communities, I still have not experienced their pain firsthand so out of respect feel I have no rights to those words.  Also, more often than not slurs are used to inflict pain and for that reason alone I would never want to even jokingly use a word that has been used to damage others. 

 Have you ever seen a LP act rudely/unfairly to an average size person and thought they were out of line?  (Not personal, you seem like a great person – just a question) Do you ever feel you have a chip on your shoulder towards average sized people? (I communicated once with a LP online who was very rude to everybody, I felt the chip-on-shoulder attitude) do you think that’s common, is it something you catch yourself against doing?

Yes.  Not cool.  Golden rule here–treat others how you want to be treated.  Chips on your shoulders don’t make you very pretty.  Vulnerably speaking, we have all carried chips on our shoulders at one point or another and it is something easy to associate any slight to the blaring obvious LP-thing.  I work through doing this in counseling and am one to try to always put my motives and assumptions in check.  I ask myself the ‘chip on your shoulder’ question a lot so I am really always trying to keep myself aware that it is a great possibility.  Luckily, I find others who have a joyful spirit about them most wonderful to be around so I try to remind myself of that a lot when I get down on myself for being different.

same situation different beat

so today i was at the center for all people who stare, i mean the mall, picking up some alterations from nordstroms when these two gorgeous african-american children (probably 6 and 4) started shrieking when they saw me.  pretty typical, understandable behavior from a child, not really a big deal.

mommy, look at that tiny ladyyyyyy….mommyyyy…mommy look.  that lady is tiny.  what’s her name mommy, is that tiny lady a mommy?

the mom, who seemed darling and confident by the way, simply hesitated for a moment (you could almost see the wheels turning as she decided what to do) and then she came over to me and simply said,

i’d really like for my children to shake your hand and meet you.  is that ok?

it was really no problem for me at all.  i’d much rather have that than hear a really awkward, embarrassed explanation from the mother just trying to get her kids to shut up and pretending they never said anything.  kids ask questions about everything, certainly things that are out of the ordinary.  it was really not a problem. 

but it got me thinking, a similar situation happened before and the vibes i was getting were totally different.  what was it?  was it how she phrased everything so politely?  was i just a grumpy gills last time?  was it because the man before took a lot more time and did not seem to even notice that my time might be worth something?  i do not know.

the children politely shook my hand and i talked to them for a moment.  they were not a problem at all.  what was super awkward and annoying was the man who kept staring even after i walked away and turned around and we made eye contact as he continued to stare.  like he saw me notice him staring 3+ times and he never averted his gaze.  his mouth was dropped open and he just stood there watching me.  yes, i am alive.

how rude (of me)!

I felt particularly heinous yesterday when I was forced to learn a lesson from my littlest (albeit 6 foot) brother.  He is normally the “wild child” of the family, but let all who read this hear it straight from me–he was the mature one yesterday!  :)

So we’re walking through Macy’s because I am taking him shopping before he leaves for college in a few weeks.  Freshmen gotta look good, right?  Anyways, we’re walking when all of a sudden I sense someone following me very close behind.  I turn around in a semi-dramatic fashion (no, me?!) and this guy’s eyes are wide, mouth is gaping and he is engaged in ultimate starefest 2008 winning the gold medal by a landslide.  And normally I’m couth about these kind of things, I “get it”, I can roll with it, whatever.  But for some reason this is getting under my skin and I say loudly, “okay sir, your staring is getting really awkward and obvious.”  How rude of me!  So I turn back around  to check out his reaction and he gives me an eerily creepy wave and hasn’t for one second stopped staring plus now he is “looking me up and down”.  I notice his eyes are too wide for comfort so I start walking faster and glance at my brother who is being uncharacteristically cool as a cucumber.

He whose website is called “awkwardpeet” hasn’t been the least bit awkward, in fact, he’s been a ray of stunning maturity as his sister crumbles under the stares. 

“What’s his deal?” I whisper to my brother.
“He’s slow.”
“What?”
“Jen…he’s slow.  He has a mental handicap.”
“Really?  Oh crap.” 

Suddenly inside my 4′1″ self seems to shrink to 2 inches and I feel bad.  Really bad.  Of all the mindless staring I have been gracious about (like how I give myself props?) only to take it out on someone with difficulties.  Lesson learned.  Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.  I was immature and mean.  And my brother was kind enough to understand that the endless staring sometimes really can drive a person mad.

“midget”

maybe because we don’t have a naacp or maybe because comedians don’t have to take classes in social responsibility or maybe because i’m just not “hilarious” enough to understand, i don’t get it. do they not think we have feelings?  do they not understand that i too have to live and breathe in the same world as them and sometimes they make me feel as if i should be ashamed i was created.  i mean the point isn’t just for the world to be “pc” and “nice”.  it’s just sometimes their words make me feel like i have to apologize for being alive.  i know i don’t, i’ll prove them wrong.  and maybe i shouldn’t give them the free advertising but youtube’s main page did and i just want to expose it and let the light heal the wounds.  maybe that’s not the best idea.  i don’t know.  i’m just being honest and maybe a little too vulnerable.

ps. i know a lot of little people let themselves be ridiculed via the media–they choose really degrading things.  i can’t just blame the creators of it since they are willing participants.  i so wish they would say no to it.  i wish they had more self-esteem.

“awesome blossom fabulous fantastic”

Simply youtube “Dance Battle” for some fierce, supa-fly dancing that will make this handicap (me jokes!) wish she had some moves.  Right now it’s Adam / Chu Dance Crew vs. Miley & Mandy Cru.  I can’t wait to be on the View so personality will be enough to allow me to participate (hee!  No but seriously, I will earn the right to make a cameo on this type of thing someday! ♥)  Broadway and this are my loves because they take me outside my “dis-ability” and let my mind soar to another place where I too can shake it.  I mean that partially in jest, but also seriously.  As a kid, I lived on a good dance break or musical which made me forget all about the stares, the teasing…everything.  All they need is a little Rockette legs, right Stacers?  I kidds I kidds! :)

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trl: tlp web update

Check out the updates on the TRL:TLP website.

• About the VJ’s (Fun facts about Jen and Josh)
• The VJ Blog (I am blogging over there too)

OMG OMG You Guys!

Follow up, follow up, I am beyond honored to have been asked to co-host this year’s National LPA Conference Talent Show.  Josh’s boyfriend, the amazing David Andora, has designed our website and come up with all the promotional materials!  The stakes are high, I can’t wait! :)  I love hosting.

Check out our official website here and come back as it will be updated.

adapt

So the other day, I am waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yadda yadda, just minding my own business when I hear the guy behind me complaining to the pharmacy technician.

I wish ADA would fix the credit card swipers, they are really not conducive to left-handed people.

And I’m kinda hoping he’s joking, because really? Of all the things the ADA (American Disabilities Act) has done – isn’t this kind of a joke?  But he keeps droning on complaining, clearly not joking here.

The best part was I am standing in front of him, in all my 4’1” glory, not even able to see the text on the credit card swiper which stands at eye-level. I am reaching above my head to sign the screen but not able to read the text due to the glare.

I’m not saying any of this to gripe about the ADA. This is the least of their worries. And yet, the ADA does not exist to customize my world for me. I’m not the norm and I just wanted to say to that guy, “dude, deal with it. If you’re not in the norm you can’t expect the world to cater to your every need. ADAPT.”

Duh…deal with life. The ADA has done a lot to make life liveable, but please, don’t ever expect anyone to cater to your every need. In a way, the struggle brings greater appreciation. When I find something that fits me or can access something “my-size” it is so exciting! I really appreciate it. Especially when my legs don’t have to dangle off, sitting in average-sized chairs, making them fall asleep!

My dad lowered the counters in our kitchen and made an extra little sink in our bathroom (my family is 4/5 little people) so that I could be independent and self-reliant. But never in a million years did they teach me to expect anything in the world to accommodate me, I must adapt to it. When you can’t do something, get a stool, climb up and do something about it!

a 3rd “date”

so i went on a 3rd date with my new friend crushes, lisa and katy.  we kind of had a repeat date, meeting for dinner after they got off work and also visiting the MAC store.  i have kind of developed a gay-boy crush on one of the boys that work there.  ha ha.  this crush would actually be plausible since i like boys, but he likes boys too so that won’t really work.  tee hee. ;)  but shout outs to rick. anyways, i divert back to the real topic at hand.

what i really want to blog about is my starbucks encounter before meeting the girls to hang out.  so i’m killing some time at starbucks, just kind of minding my own business.  while i’m waiting for my drink to be called, this yuppie-dad walks up to me and our dialogue goes roughly as follows:

so, hi.  my kids have never seen someone like you, so i thought it would be a good opportunity for you to educate them about people like yourself.  what are you, like a little person?

um.  yes i am.  okay.

-interrupts- well okay good.  well–these are my 2 daughters so if you could just tell them what it’s like to be a little person that’d be great.

um, sure.  uh, hi girls.  how are you?

-interrupts again- like she’s normal girls.  but she looks different.  she is uncommon though but normal.  she probably drives, has a job and has friends.  so yeah, she’s a normal person.  anything else you’d like to add?

no, that’s about it.  do you girls have any questions?

the girls just stand there looking at me awkwardly, probably because their dad just turned this into an awkward educational encounter.  i felt like i was at the museum or a zoo exhibit–considering the starbucks employees were all looking over at us.  he could have just fed me a peanut or something, i was pretty much on display.  i guess on some level i appreciate the awareness of wanting his children to understand differences, but i can’t help but wonder if there is a better way?  does it really have to be with a total stranger in line at starbucks?