all we can do is keep breathing

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Keep Breathing–Ingrid Michaelson

(sidenote:  listen to the song above, first heard on grey’s anatomy…) 

actors are dreamers, i think its what sustains us.  since our longings and hopings are so often yet untangible–dreaming is what anchors our heart to hope.  we can have what we deem to be the most glorious audition only to find we weren’t cast because our left leg was a tad “askew”.

i think that most would agree that we spend more time dreaming than actually being paid to act–unless you are in the top 1% of working actors that have consistent, meaningful employment. 

i find that most people not in this industry do not understand why we would put ourselves through it.  i realize that makes sense, why would anyone willingly put themselves through that kind of pain, rejection and angst?

i recently (forget the exact source) heard one of my theatrical heroes, kristin chenoweth, giving advice to someone who asked if they should pursue professional acting?  she said something to the effect of, “only if you can’t imagine yourself doing anything else?”

this is not to say that i don’t have other life goals, such as authoring, mothering and hosting/interviewing.  but the thread of acting professionally has run through my veins from the time i was three years old and i cannot imagine myself doing anything else.

it’s really tempting to artistically “sell out” sometimes.  i hear of plenty of little people who perform in parts i consider degrading or basically shallow.  i realize “to each their own” and it probably sounds harsh that i say this.  i don’t want to be judgmental, except to say, that I could not find value in dancing around as a miniature version of a “personality” at your local birthday party, club or bar mitzvah.  i just couldn’t.  yet i don’t have the right to judge others who do.

it’s easy to empathize with those who don’t understand why this industry–on bad days, i’d be right with you.  yet the passionate desire in my heart when i rise and fall asleep is to be on tv in a mainstream role, and for this, all i can do is keep breathing.

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