one of my best friends is deeply gifted to handle complex, wounded friends. she is studying to be a social worker and is one of those people who always seems to have a handful of strays she is caring for. she doesn’t approach people as charity projects, but somehow they find her. she is good at messy, complicated people. she’s wears her heart on her sleeve, vulnerability comes easy.
i on the other hand, get the heeby-jeebies by people who are particularly needy.
the more you campaign to be my friend, the more i will probably run the other direction. if i feel you are following me around like a lost puppy, i feel you are about to tie me down and suffocate me. i celebrate my friends independence and am all for empowering you to grow and flourish. i can’t quite deal with needy people, they flatout scare me. i can be blunt and i enjoy refreshing candor. i’m working on toning that down, but even so, i will never be the girl who deals well with codependent needy people.
this is not to say i don’t treasure my close friendships and have an inner circle of girls i will fight for. this is just to say that i love watching them fly and i value the give and take, i love freedom.
an acquaintance of mine, patsy, put it so well. this advice is just great!
don’t expect others to repair the hole in your heart–only God can do that.
don’t try so hard to make friends, it will feel forced and unnatural to others. when our neediness is our driving force for friendship it scares people off. it’s not that they don’t care; it’s that they don’t need one more pressure in their life.