spilling out

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But my point is…Meredith. That moment where she tells Mark that Ellis never got Halloween together and didn’t approve of knocking on doors, begging for food… That moment explains so so so much to me about our lovely, broken Meredith. That her first experience trick or treating is taking an earless boy around the hospital to make his pro-bono surgery happen… I find it utterly heartbreaking. And I love that Mark points out to her that she fell pretty far from the Ellis tree. I think it was critically important to Meredith to hear those words, because the haunting Meredith is feeling, is the fear that she will die alone like her Mom did. Because Derek said he might find someone else before she’s ready. And she doesn’t know how to get ready. Cause she’s an emotional cripple who’s unwilling or unable to lay her ass down on a therapist’s couch for the many years it takes to work through issues like she has. Meredith’s version of therapy – her very best idea – is to bring her mom’s ashes to work. Y’know, in a strange way it makes sense – like, she understands that she’s been sticking her mom in the back of her closet, literally and metaphorically – and that if she doesn’t start to look at this stuff (i.e.: herself) she’s in danger of dying alone (i.e.; losing Derek forever.) Life is hard isn’t it? But I love and applaud Meredith’s ongoing willingness to try – as she explains to Derek when his hands are covered in mommy dust and he’s looking at her like maybe, just maybe he should escort her up to the psych ward, “This is me trying.” See, Derek comes from sanity, and a Mom who probably made him homemade Halloween costumes every year and chaperoned the school dances and things – so it’s hard for him to get, exactly how haunted Meredith is. Richard, though, gets it. Because Ellis haunts him, too. And my favorite scene, maybe ever, is the one in which Richard and Meredith put Ellis to rest in a surgical sink.

Grey Matter, Blog of the Grey’s Anatomy Writers

This is turning out to be Grey’s Fridays.  I don’t want to do just another recap of the show because hello, there are plenty of sites you can go to to catch up.  And besides, you can always watch the episodes free on ABC.com.

But really, saying life is messy isn’t all that insightful.  Any idiot knows that.  But Meredith is realizing that the things you try hardest not to deal with always have a way of seeping out of your life’s cracks, right back in front of your face.  It’s like trying to shove an uncontained liquid into a closet.  Impossible.  I mean really.  Even those people with fancy container systems, those people who seem contained, compartmentalized, tightly wound or controlled.  Wait til life starts to crack.  Stuff will come spilling out.

Derek laid it on the line, and Meredith seems to get it.  In order to become ready, it requires doing the hard work of seeing all that’s standing in your way.  Love is not easy…love is a battlefield. :)

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