another angle to this earlier post. sometimes i’m really patient. too patient. unbending, unyielding, overly self-sacrificingly (not a word, i realize) patient. it doesn’t happen all the time, but my stubborn hope can kick it a long time.
all of this time i’d planned, i’d be patient and you could love me again…
-elle, legally blonde the musical
so there are no real rule books in relationships. for every author out there, all the wisdom in the world doesn’t always sift to the top when you’re actually dealing with matters of the heart.
part of my resolution to live more fearlessly has been bumping up against my desire to people please and and keep things together. for me, feeling like i’m living fearlessly came easier when i was on the road with a show or somewhere new. perhaps because even though i made friends, we don’t have long, shared histories. maybe habits are harder to kick in familiar spaces. or maybe i just can “recreate” myself by changing my surroundings every few months and that’s another reason why i liked touring so much! :)
i don’t know. part of me is good at being liberated and free and just pursuing my dreams and another part of me wonders if she’s being too patient about a certain relationship.