we can take a moment

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we can take a moment…

holiness and wholeness.  is it any better if you fragment your life and pretend something’s not there?  some people of faith say so.  don’t ask don’t tell.  i disagree.

i resigned this week from a personal role i had worked hard to attain.  i chose to walk away because i don’t think it was what i was really made for.  it was a respected role.  it was scary to say no.  what if my life now garners little respect?  while i bowed out, i also now breathe more deeply?  while it was respected, i felt isolated to my true personhood.  i’m more and more just content to be me.

fighting out of isolation is brave.  at least that’s what i tell myself.  it is cowardly to isolate.  being alone and unseen is sometimes easier than asking for what you want.  i don’t want to be a ghost to my own existence.  whether i am brazen or ridiculously out of touch with reality, i’d still rather fight for what i really want than settle for a half life.

this week’s grey’s was particularly powerful.  about isolation.  bravery.  being unseen but brilliant.  being stupid but brave. being honest.

  • meredith is not a hero in her own loneliness, she’s a coward for letting derek get away.  but she’s opening up the curtains to her soul and letting herself face the darkness.
  • derek’s a coward for choosing subpar and knowing it.
  • the whole don’t ask don’t tell arch.
  • cristina is the unseen hand to burke’s brilliance and she’s finally letting herself feel it.
  • callie and erica are obviously fragmenting which can’t be healthy.  you don’t make friends easily?  really, is that what it is?
  • lexie is fearfully aware of being forgotten, if the deepest form of physical intimacy is forgettable what does that say about your wholeness in relationships?
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