a little rough

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Today was kind of a rough day.

I didn’t get a part I was in the final phase of vying for.  I know all the good stuff about being positive and I will continue to be so, but I have to let a little of the sadness empower me and propel me to want it even more and work even harder.  Although I realize I can only do my best and then leave it in the casting directors hands and so much of it is out of my control.  And I am ever so thankful to Jodi Rothfield Casting and to Jodi Rothfield personally for her dear encouragement, belief in me and beyond amazing talent.  She is a gem and I am so thankful that she is in my life.  (She is my Seattle connection to Hollywood…she gets me on tape so I can send it off to LA without forking my life savings via airfare.  I realize I will soon have to move to NYC or LA to pursue any avenue into this industry whether it be in front of or behind the camera, but for now, I am in my hometown).

I also had a rough conversation in which I felt unknown and my intentions completely misinterpreted even when I tried to explain.  You can’t please everyone all the time, which is tough for me.  Actually totally painful.

Back to acting, I know another “no” puts me closer to the “yes” I dream of.  And making it down to the final 2 or 3 must mean I was good enough for the gig, there was just something that made them go with someone else this time.  But at least they could envision me doing it.  My friend Hilary’s audition blogs are the fat-free version of gorging myself with ice cream on bad days.

Tomorrow, I will be greeted by 18 smiling faces, 18 “Jenny’s!!!” and 18 hugs which makes me stop dreaming about my acceptance speech til about lunchtime.  In the meantime, in the field of this “no”, I will enjoy the precious privilege of caring for 18 3-year-olds.  I hope my “yes” is coming soon.

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