i have recently taken up jogging on the treadmill to the fastest music i can move to. i don’t know why i hadn’t discovered this before, as it is the only pulsating rhythm that quiets and also singularly crystallizes my frantic thoughts. things become quieter, clearer and yet my vision becomes louder, stronger–like a driving drumbeat that syncopates and colors everything.
i have given up various sweets and treats and eating for any kind of emotional purpose other than what my body requires to live. as i am letting go of the need for food as comfort, my body has also shed itself and it is like my purpose has become clearer–this driving force i can no longer escape by silencing it with mush and junk.
as i run, as the music pounds in my head and my vision hyperfocuses i think a lot about what i want to run toward. the emmy’s, the emmy’s, the emmy’s was the singular phrase that coarsed through my veins with every beat of my heart. having made great progress in not feeding myself emotionally with food, i am seeing more of an actors’ body and becoming more free with it. things have become clearer as i have not been self-medicating with numbing carbohydrates. the emmy’s, the emmy’s, the emmy’s. i was inspired by the video below,
i think i’m gonna do my own version soon…