running for it

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the gym is saving my soul these days.  beyond it’s obvious health benefits and contributions to weight loss, it is the thing that tethers my heart to hope.  with the vigorous motion, my mind is able to clear and i am able to more firmly root myself in possibility.  i must be honest – today, as i was running on the treadmill, the tears flowed freely.  that’s kind of embarrassing?!  anyone else been there?  not an hour goes by that i don’t feel the dream of making my desire to be a series regular on tv a reality.  the tears sometimes come so easily, like today, i just felt stuck–like i wasn’t moving forward.   then the ellen degeneres show came on – rihanna was on.  she was belting “hard” which has been a personal anthem as of late.

as i watched her (via closed captioning) — i was re-inspired.  i have long been inspired by ellen’s use of her voice–and rihanna’s always been nothing short of a rock star.  i’m a little embarrassed that i wasn’t just crying in my car, i was teary on the treadmill.  and how easily the tears flow, does anyone else out there relate?  when i think i cannot run another pace, i run some more, with one singular thought motivating my every move.  it is probably no surprise that my DREAM-beyond-an-unbelieveable-dream would be to be on grey’s anatomy.  is it too revealing to just go out there and say it?

since i cannot control that, i can control running.  and running i will keep doing, so that if the telephone rings, i’ll be fit and ready.

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